Introductory Post
Personal image, Carlie and me Personal image, Yat Fan and me Hello! My name is Bridget Clayton and I am a French major and Music minor at the University of Oklahoma. I am currently taking my last semester completely online, as I have already finished my French courses and gone through Capstone. I’m just finishing up some upper-division credits. I was originally a Music major because I love playing clarinet. Throughout high school, clarinet was the most important part of my life. However, I went through a lot of personal and familial issues during my first two years at OU, and I was struggling in some key music courses, like music theory. French had been my minor, but I realized that I was doing exceptionally well in my language classes, and as I did not want to teach music, I switched my major and minor. My last semester was a big success. I was taking four French courses, including Capstone, and was in one of the bands at OU, and I got my first 4.0. I also won
Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI have not read this story before, so it was a great first-read away from the original one! I loved the content of the story, and I think just adding a few things would make this story fantastic. As far as the layout goes, your blog’s color scheme and design is good, I love the red and orange mix. However, the font size could be a little bigger—I found myself squinting trying to read through the story. You could also spread it out a little so the readers so more of a flow with pauses and breaks in the dialogue. Trust me, I am no writing expert, but I did think the content of your story was great. Just adding the few things I mentioned would really interest your readers! Keep up the good work!
Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the way your portfolio site is set up. It is very simple, making it easy to navigate and fine what I'm looking for. The banner image and the picture on your home page mesh very well together.
I really enjoyed your story, The Unruly Bird. I like that you basically combine two stories, "The Self-Willed Deer," and "Noisy Out of Season," and then added your own touch. Especially the dialogue, and changing the point of view as you alluded to in your author's note. I completely agree that dialogue and context can really catch the attention of a reader in, and I was much more drawn to your rendition of these stories than I was to their original form. Great job!
Once the older cock became ill, I wondered if the younger cock would just fill in for him until he got better, but he never did. While I think this would have made for an interesting "told you so" moment, I enjoyed your story the way that you told it.
Again, you did a great job on the story and I can definitely see that you put a lot of work and thought into this! I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Hi, Bridget! I think the layout and interface of your portfolio is wonderful, and is really appealing to the eye. It has good hints of color and aesthetic appeal, but is also simple enough to not be overwhelming. As for your story, I thought it was a really creative approach to the original story, and really enjoyed reading it. I think that your descriptive language and dialogue really helped engage the reader, and I also really loved the way you developed your characters through dialogue. You made the reader understand the foolishness of the younger cock throughout, and also established the wiseness of the older cock. One recommendation I would have is to expand upon the ending - I felt that it was a bit abrupt, and perhaps adding to the thoughts of the younger cock as he was heading to get executed could add insight into his character - does he accept his fate for making a mistake? Would he want another chance? Overall, I think you did a fantastic job at your story!
ReplyDeleteBridget,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your portfolio project a lot! In terms of your design, your project is easy to navigate. The layout is also very pretty and unique. I definitely felt as if the colors and overall theme blended well with your first story. Your retelling 'The Unruly Bird' was absolutely incredible! I loved that you had the video at the top for the reader to be able to listen to Buddhists chants while they read the story. It was such a unique and cool thing to add to your story. It also made me really want to read your story since you had this other element to it. Your story was excellent, it flowed well and had a great storyline. However, your authors note really made your story even better. It was so detailed that I had no problem with the transition from your retelling to the original. I often find myself having to go back and read the original because the author's note does not tell me enough, but you handled that perfectly!
Hi, Bridget
ReplyDeleteI didn't read this story before coming to your blog, but it was a great first introduction to this story as well as the second one that you meshed together! Your website layout is great, very easy to navigate and I feel like it fits well with the theme of your story. I agree with one of the students above about the font, it could be bigger to make reading your story easier. Also I agree about putting breaks in the story, maybe just another row of space to make it easier to look at. I really enjoyed reading your story, the storyline and how you adapted the story to fit your version was great. I look forward to reading more of your renditions! Good job.
Hey Bridget!
ReplyDeleteSo I read your story, “The Unruly Bird.” I wanted to start off my saying that I think it was really clever of you to add that video at the beginning of the story. I did listen for a little while but then I turned it off because it made it harder for me to focus. But that could just be me! I thought your story was pretty great overall and there was only one thing I might have changed. The font is a little hard for me to read. I think making it just slightly bigger would make a world’s difference. That is really the only thing I might do to edit the story. But I really liked the layout. Breaking your story up into little paragraphs makes it a lot easier to read. That is honestly something I struggle with. I tend to write just one giant paragraph!
Hey Bridget. First of all, you have one of the prettier setups I've seen! Looks like you really made it your own which is cool. I even like the attention to detail on this comment wall. I also liked the embedded video of the monks chanting. I tried to do the same thing on my pages originally, but it didn't go quite as well. Maybe I should give that a shot this week. I also like that you took a story about a monk, and made it about a bird. I did the opposite in one of my stories actually! Your writing is definitely collegiate level, All of your paragraphs are very smooth and create a nice flow throughout the page. I think I have one critique: I would center the video embed, or do something to make it look more natural. Next, I would add one more picture or something to the body of your work. Maybe a side picture with text wrapping around would be cool. But like I said, really a great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Bridget,
ReplyDeleteIt was very original of you to add a a video on monks chanting. I played it, while I was reading the story and it was really soothing. I like the way you have set up your portfolio, the background is pretty and gives it more of a farm theme. Especially for the story of "The Unruly Bird." I was a little confused at the beginning of that story as you referred to both cocks as older and younger one. I would suggest maybe naming them so the story flow smoothly. Also centering the video would give it a complete look, I feel like. I liked the poem you created, for your first time it was really good. I wonder how long it took you to find rhyming words. I saw that your every other stanza was rhyming, which was impressive. I hope writing a poem will comes to me naturally as well as I want to write one. Overall, you have great stories and I hope to read more from you. Good luck!
Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI was a big fan of your page and project design of your website. It is nice to see when you can log onto a website and see a clean and easy to navigate. I read your stories and really liked how you spaced out the stories as that made it very easy to read from a personal standpoint. I also thought it was cool how you turned one into a poem as that was a different way to spin the story and that was something I haven't seen before. I don't think I am a good enough writer to be able to spin one of my stories into a poem but I might need to try it. I just really enjoyed reading your work so far and hope to get to read some more in the future. Keep up the creativity and fun ways to write your stories because I really enjoyed the diversity of your writing styles. Good Luck the rest of the semester!
Hey Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your story "The Unruly Bird" and it was great. I really liked that you revisited some of the Jakatas that we read earlier in the semester. You also touched a lot on how the moral of story is very important which is very true as the point of the story is to show these lessons. You also did a really great job of setting the tone and immersing the reader in your story. I also went ahead and read your second story "Dasharatha's Karma." It was the first story that I have that was a poem, and you did a great job on it as well. It must have been quite challenging to create that poem, but you did a really good job! I really look forward to what you will put out in the future. Until then, best of luck!
Hi Bridget!
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you set your page up. The colors are warm and almost soothing. It makes a good backdrop to your wonderful stories! I like you "Unruly Bird" story. You did an excellent job melding your two different source stories into a wonderful new whole. Your dialogue was really good. I sympathized with the poor young bird that thought he knew better until it was too late. Your moral was clear and well interwoven throughout the story. I saw one typo while I was reading, instead of 'slow learner,' it said 'slow learned'. I literally cannot think of anything that could make it better. It was really good. Your poem, "Dasharatha's Karma" was very impressive. I have never written poetry before, wouldn't even know where to begin. You told the story well and beautifully. The combination of a straightforward fable-type story and a poem adds diversity. Your stories are creative, eclectic, and well written. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Hey Bridget,
ReplyDeleteI like the set up you have for your portfolio. Your stories were well written. I especially liked your poem. I’m one of those people who usually can’t figure out the meanings behind poems very easily, but I liked yours because I could figure out the meaning and it was written in such a good way. Also your author’s notes were really good at fully explaining the original versions of the stories. One thing I really liked about your author’s notes are that they explain very well why you made certain changes and how your story varies from the original. It showed me how I can improve on my own author’s notes. Both your stories overall were really good. I look forward to reading more of your work, and hope to read more of them soon. Hope you have a good time for the rest of the semester!
Hey Bridget! I read both stories on your portfolio, and both were amazing! The Unruly Bird was very well written and the dialogues flowed perfectly. I was NOT expecting the ending, but it made sense and it made the story more intriguing as well. I really liked your theme/moral of the story that people shouldn't resist the opportunity to grow because I agree! I think there's always room for improvement and people who don't accept that opportunity are only really hurting themselves. So overall I loved it! Your second story, Dasharatha's Karma, was also super cool! I love poems but I can't ever seem to write a decent one (or at least one that I think sounds good). So that's why I was immediately pulled in and interested in that story as well! It was also VERY nicely written. Great job!! I can't wait to read the rest of your portfolio :)
ReplyDeleteHey Bridget-
ReplyDeleteThis will be my second time checking in on your site- and I have to say, it's looking really good. It looks like you only have one for story to add to your portfolio then you'll be done! This time around, I read Dasharatha's Karma. I loved that you did poetry- I actually started a story this way once, and got very far before I trashed the idea. I just got stuck and frustrated so I gave up, and I'm glad I found someone who did it successfully! Because your stanzas are so long, rhyming ever other line was sort of messy- but you pulled it off. I had to read out loud and find a rhythm to read to. The story flowed nicely, and I knew immediately which story you were writing over. Good luck with the last story! If it's another poem, I'll be ecstatic.
Hi Bridget,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you are off to great start on your project. I really like the layout and organization of the webpage. I think that this plays a very important part in the project as a whole, and you have done a great job. The unruly bird was a very good story. I like how you took the original and made it into something really cool. This is the first post I have came across that includes a video at the beginning and I thought that this was a great idea! It sets the mood and tone beyond just words of a story, and it was great. I kind of view it as a little sneak peak trailer so the reader knows what to expect from the story. You made good use of dialogue between the characters which is very important. I struggle with this in my stories, but it seems that you have got this part down. You're stories are very in depth, interesting, and personal. Great work so far on you project, and I look forward to reading more of them throughout this semester.
Brooks
Hey Bridget! This is the second time I am visiting your portfolio page! I really love your stories, they are very detailed and original! The dialogue in your stories are also very well-written and they all have a lot of details, which is really important, so great job on that :) The first time, I read The Unruly Bird and Dasharatha's Karma. This time, I read Yudhishthira the Wise and Krishna's Mother. I liked that you made Yudhishthira really understanding and gave Draupadi a valid reason for behaving like she did. The moral of the story was important as well, so I like that you included how we should never take our blessings for granded. I also love the story "Krishna's Mother" because I remember being a little kid and my mom read me that story, so it kind of holds a special place in my heart. I thought that was the coolest way of finding out that your child has divine powers. I like that you changed it to Yashoda's perspective but kept the plot the same. Great job on your portfolio!!! Can't wait to read more of your work.
ReplyDeleteHi again, Bridget! This week, I reread both your old stories and the new stories, and I thought your edits to the old story was very good. You were much more descriptive in the story, and it seemed like you had added to author's note to make it more informative. Your new story additions were also quite insightful; the fact that you decided to write a poem about Dasharatha instead of writing a normal story made the message much more profound, in my opinion. The way in which you describe Yudhistira in your story to emphasize his maturity was also very effective; based on your author's note, I thought that you framed the story perfectly. And, the final story about Krishna's mother was excellent; I thought it was very clever of you to write from her perspective, since such a perspective is pretty rare. One suggestion that I have is to make the background of your webpages more relevant to the stories. Overall, though, your stories are excellent!
ReplyDeleteBridget,
ReplyDeleteI was able to come back to your profile for the second time now and I must say I really like how it has progressed. Your page is still one of the best looking of them all I have to say and always like seeing a page that is pleasant to the eye. I think even bad righting is still seen as good with a good project design but luckily you don't have either of those problems. I was happy to see that you had added two new post since the last time I had seen your portfolio. I still like how you use a lot of dialogue in your stories and I need to try and use this more in my own writing as I think it adds a more personal touch to your writing whenever you use it correctly. Great job and keep up the good work on your project!!
Hey Bridget! I really loved your portfolio! This is the first time that I've looked at your project and I wasn't disappointed. One thing that I especially loved was that you have a quilt as your header. I'm not sure if you meant to do this but the quilt is sort of symbolic of your portfolio. Your portfolio is made up of different stories like a quilt is made of up different patches of fabric. You are also the only person whose portfolio that I have seen that has music to accompany a story. Your portfolio layout is organized and easy to follow. As for your writing itself, you did a great job! Your portfolio is the only portfolio who has poem as one of their stories. I can't think of anything suggestions to make your portfolio any better. Can't wait to see what other additions you make. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Bridget!
ReplyDeleteSo I have not been to your page in a while and it has definitely grown since the last time I saw it! You have added a couple stories and it seems like you have changed some of the design as well. That is just based on my memory so I could be wrong! But I really like the quilted background you put on your home page. It adds some great color and still seems to fit the theme of your portfolio very well. I thought your pictures were very well chosen. I also liked the idea of adding a link to YouTube videos on your page. That really just adds another element to help your readers visualize your stories. The stories themselves were also great! I hadn’t read “Yudhishthira the Wise” or Krishna’s mother. They were both excellently executed in my opinion. It looks like you are about done with your project if you not already. So great work! It was a total success.
Hey Bridget!
ReplyDeleteTo start off. I think you have a great way of retelling stories. Especially animal stories it is fun to see the same morals portrayed by a different animal with different wants and needs. I especially like this in the first story on your blog. I also thought the authors notes throughout the blog gave me a good idea of what you were going for with you stories.
On the flip side I thought your introduction page was a bit sparce. It may have been a technical issues because there was a read more button that didn't do anything, but as is the intro was short. It hardly gave me context at all for what I was about to read in the rest of the blog. If this was an issue with my computer I apologize.